Survival Camping in Adirondack
by BluBooThalassophile
Summary: It's Dickhead's fault! Jason was just going out for a moment of peace, and Dick decided to turn it into a family thing. Now there's three city slickers, a desert rat, four tech addicts loaded up in his car with his gear heading for Adirondack. Goodbye sniping...
1. Bad Ideas

**I Do Not Own DC Comics, Movies/TV, or Animation**

 **Bad Ideas…**

Jason could say this was the worst idea Dick had had in a long time. Almost as bad as the mullet phase Dick went through.

In what sane world was it alright to take three city slickers out of their natural habitat and drag them off into the middle of the woods for a brotherly bonding weekend. Jason and Damian were the only non-city slickers in this group, and Jason knew it.

Damian because of Ra's and Talia had grown up surviving that hellish desert of the middle east, and training to be the world's deadliest assassin. But the twerp had never taken survival training outside of the desert, so in a way, Jason supposed the littlest bat was very much out of his element.

Dick and he'd been camping once, and yes, that trip was fun (and one of Jason's favorite memories he had with Dick from before his death), but they'd been a mile from a bodega and never left the cell reception area.

Tim had never set foot outside of a city if it wasn't mission oriented, and even then, the Titans hadn't done real survivalist training. They'd stay on someone's space ship or something, and it'd be for the duration of the trip.

Duke had never left Gotham, and Jason knew that for a fact with how the newest brother was looking around with wide eyes at the forest. Yeah, Duke was a city kid. He looked like he'd never seen a tree before.

As for Jason, well, yes, he had been a city street kid, and while he'd never divulge this to the Bats, he'd had survival training which would make the SEALs and Delta guys' look like pussies. Jason's natural survival instincts had been sharpened, and taking on various wildernesses wasn't something he had been familiar with. However, once he started, Talia's Escape and Evade exercises became obsolete as Jason was not getting captured, and if he ever was cornered, he was taking as many fuckers as he could down with him before he went out with another bang, it was just that simple.

And Jason's game of E&E had been a global expedition leading him far out of cities and into the hearts of truly wild places, from the jungles of South America, to the harsh desert of the Middle East, to the icy tundra of Siberia, to the forests of Canada, to the Outback, and to the vast oceans. There was no environment on this planet Jason couldn't survive.

Which was why when he'd mumbled something about going camping to clear his head, Dickhead had leapt at this idea of brother bonding time. And even insisted they go to the campground Jason was intending to go to. (No, Jason was not hauling dickhead's ass all the way to Alaska which was where he'd been intending to go, but Dick, Tim, Duke and Damian didn't know this so he was just taking them to upstate New York. If you couldn't beat them, join them, then beat them.) Jason had known the moment Dick had come to his safehouse with a newly bought tent that he was serious and Jason knew he wasn't going to get the peace of camping alone, reading his book, and doing minor survival training and some sniping.

Which was a shame, because he missed sniping.

"Where we going, Jaybird!?" Dick asked excitedly, rousing Jason from his thoughts as he looked from the road to Dick who was sitting in the passenger's seat, Damian and Tim were arguing in the back and Duke was jamming to his beats.

"Huh?" he blinked.

"We've been driving for forever! Where are we going!" Dick demanded dramatically.

"Adirondack Park, upstate New York," Jason answered.

"Why so far away?"

"What's in Adironquack?" Damian butchered the name then.

"You want to go camping with me, and I am not doing the pussy shit Dick and I did when we were kids, so we're going to Adirondack," Jason said evenly. Damian blinked and muttered the word a few times to himself.

"Do we have to do this?" Tim sighed.

"I wanted to go alone, so ask Dickhead here," Jason snapped, glowering at his self-proclaimed elder brother.

"Come on Jay, you never do anything with us! And it'll be fun!" Dick grinned.

"Define fun? I was going for peace," Jason retorted.

"Well, now you have us!" Dick decided.

"I think I'd rather not be," he muttered sourly. Seriously, all he'd been looking forward to was some quality quiet time, honing in skills that needed honing, and sniping. Plus he had a few new books he'd been itching to read. Now he wasn't going to get to read them. He knew it. Want to know how he knew it?

He was with three city slickers and a desert rat.

"It won't be that bad," Tim informed him.

"Tt, for once Drake is correct," Damian decided sourly.

"You're not burying Tim out here!" Jason snapped. Tim happened to be the only Bat he liked so the demon spawn wouldn't be killing him.

"Tt," Damian clicked his tongue as he slouched back in the back of the seat again.

"Maybe this will be an annual thing for us, the brothers off to camp!" Dick decided.

"I'd rather camp with Stephanie and Cass," Jason admitted. At lease Cass had common sense, and Stephanie would listen to him so she didn't end up covered head to toe in poison oak and poison ivy. On the other hand, he was curious as to how well his 'brothers' would fair the wilds without their tech at their finger tips.

"This will be good for us! I know it!" Dick declared.

"Or it's going to kill us," Jason muttered as he switched lanes and kept his eyes on the road. An entire weekend with Dick, Damian, Tim, and Duke; What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

"So seriously Jay, how long until we're there," Dick demanded.

"We've only been driving for two hours!" Tim said disgruntally.

"It's been forever!" Duke called out unhelpfully.

"We Get There When We Get There!" Jason roared.

"Tt."

Jason twisted around as he lifted a brow dangerously at the youngest Wayne who looked out the window with sudden interest.

This was going to be a long fucking trip.

* * *

 **That's all for now folks.**

 **Enjoy Survival Camping in Adirondack =)**


	2. High Ground

**I Do Not Own DC Comics, Movies/TV, or Animation**

 **High Ground…**

They made it to Adirondack when Jason's phone rang. Dick was asking about camp grounds, Jason had his pack slung over his shoulders and no rifle with him.

Sighing he answered the satellite phone.

"Little Brother! Where are you!" Cass demanded sharply in his ear which had him wincing.

"On an idiot venture about to get four tech addicts killed," he replied.

"Jay we're lost!" Stephanie shouted as she apparently took the phone. "No phone and driving Cass!"

"Lost? Cass? Driving?" Jason sputtered, dumbfounded at this.

"Yeah, lost," Stephanie answered.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Oh Never Mind! We found you!" Stephanie shouted, he turned just as he saw a black sedan come flying around the corner on two wheels rather than four, and Jason dropped the phone as he tackle dove Tim to the ground for Tim had merely looked dumbfounded.

"What the!?" Duke managed, as the girls skidded into a parking space in front of the camping office. Jason just looked up to see Stephanie, Cass, and Barbara unloading from the car.

"Who let Cass drive?" Jason demanded getting to his feet. As he hurried over to make sure the girls were alright.

"She needs to practice!' Stephanie huffed in defense.

"Good," Cass grinned.

"Good!?" Jason balked.

"She didn't hit anything this time," Barbara said and Jason got her chair as he helped her out then. Once Babs was in her chair Dick's head popped out of the office.

"Hey, we got two options. Oh, hey Babs!" Dick grinned.

"Did you know about this asshole?" Jason demanded glowering at his elder brother. Cass leapt up to give him a flying hug, he caught her with ease.

"Family time! Dick forgot us," Cass announced.

"This is gonna be fun!" Stephanie bounced excitedly beside him which had Jason lifting his brow at her.

"Tt, fatgirl won't last two minutes."

"No, I think Tim won't last two minutes," Duke surmised.

"Did you see how they rounded that corner!?" Tim shouted.

"We were fine," Stephanie dismissed.

"You had two wheels off the ground!" Tim shouted.

"Fine," Cass shrugged.

"You're not driving home, Cass," Jason said firmly.

"She's going to have to learn at some point," Barbara pointed out.

"Not when she nearly ran over Replacement," Jason said.

"Jay, camp grounds?" Dick repeated.

"Fine!" Jason shouted as he stalked into the office and looked at the small office. It was quiet, but Jason wasn't surprised. Picking the camp ground was a simple matter. Once that was picked they were set for the hike, it was even a handicap friendly trail.

"So why this camp ground?" Barbara huffed.

"High ground, near water, and the road," Jason snapped.

"He doesn't sound happy about this," Babs whispered to Dick.

"No, he's just not good at showing how happy he is about spending time with family," Dick decided.

"Jay loves us!" Steph announced as she skipped up to him and smiled as she slung her arm into his.

"Hm!" Cass hummed in agreement as she took his other arm.

"I do not, let go!" he hissed.

"Little brother!" Cass chided.

"Will you stop with that, we're not even sure I'm the younger one of us," Jason countered. It was true, Cass had just sort of dictated that she was older and preened in the big sister roll. Not that he needed a big sister, Dickhead was insufferable enough as a big brother, and Babs… Do not get him started on Babs!

"Little brother," Cass scolded him, and he rolled his eyes.

"And I know you love Cass and I the most!" Steph decreed.

"And how can you be sure of that?"

"You promised to go dress shopping with us."

"Ah yes, the chauffeuring I will be doing because Cass drives like maniac who could un-employ Harley Quinn with that driving, and you because you can't drive!" Jason countered.

"I live in the city!" Steph countered.

"And what happens if you move to like Long Island or something?"

"You take that back! I am a Gothamite and never leaving!"

"Just saying."

"Fine, you'll teach Cass and I to drive."

"What? No!" Jason protested.

"Yes!" Cass giggled.

"See, Cass agrees, you're teaching us to drive," Stephanie decided.

"You suck."

"Are we there yet?" Duke shouted.

"Not yet, and don't stab Tim!" Jason shouted when he turned to see the demon spawn producing a knife.

"He's got a spider on him," Damian defended.

"WHAT!?" Tim roared and was moving like no tomorrow which had Jason glaring at Dick.

"Stop making goo-goo eyes at Babs and pay attention to the idiots!" Jason ordered.

"You're in charge of the brother camping trip."

"I'm not related to any of you!"

"HEY!" Stephanie and Cass shouted.

"Pardon me, I'm not related to those idiots, I've got two wonderfully annoying sisters though," Jason amended. Cass preened and Steph pouted.

"We should get him a girlfriend to teach him manners," Stephanie muttered to Cass which had him spinning around on them.

"What!?"

"Yes," Cass nodded.

"No!" he protested.

"Would you prefer a boyfriend?" Stephanie asked.

"What? No! I don't need a boyfriend, I'm straight, and I don't need a girlfriend," Jason snapped.

"We should ask Harper to help," Stephanie turned to Cass again.

"Yes," the petite girl nodded.

Jason grounded his teeth and internally counted to a thousand as he continued leading these idiots up the trail. This was going to be a long ass trip.

No way he was going to get to read on this trip. Which was a fucking shame because he had a Agatha Christie book he'd been itching to read.

"What are the chances we'll run into real bears?" Tim asked him suddenly.

"Not likely, but if we see one, we'll throw the demon spawn at it," Jason decided.

"I hope we run into a bear," Tim decided with a malicious smile.

"Donna or Raven!?" Stephanie shouted.

"Neither!" Jason shouted back.

"Raven, I'd date Raven of the two," Tim informed him.

"Don't give them ammunition!" Jason hissed.

"So, you agree," Tim mused.

"I didn't say that!?" he defended. Tim laughed.

* * *

 **That's all for now folks.**

 **Enjoy Survival Camping in Adirondack =)**


End file.
